I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
