These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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