i just snorted my name. best moment ever
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
