My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
