Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
