Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
