So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Let's get the cat blown out
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
