Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
