benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
pray to the hookup gods
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
