you would pick up someone in the library
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
