Duck Duck Cougar?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The power of my boobs compel you
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
