I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We're too hungover to prance.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
