I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
