Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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