I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
