i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
