It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
