my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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