Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
