Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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