Well apparently he's into motor boating.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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