mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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