I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think my moral compass just broke
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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