I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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