Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
