Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
