I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
