garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
