If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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