My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
