My vagina just recognized that song.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
