Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
