If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
sex in a hospital.. check
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
