Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
