Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
