Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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