At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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