They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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