Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
