You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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