every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I intend to get homeless drunk
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
