I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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