Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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