I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
