how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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