How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
