I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
