Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
