It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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