I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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