I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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