Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
