i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
porn star boner night. come get it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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