Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
