I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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