and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
