JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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