I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize