toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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