I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
