How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
