I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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