Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
