I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
