Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
