I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Success! We fucked roommates!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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