Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
