There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
