so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
