70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
