I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
