But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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