Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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