only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
