you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
