Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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